Ever see on the news how some 10 year old kid took his parents car for a joy ride and smashed a bunch of cars and led police on a high speed chase?
A few days ago I spotted a little car on the road and it reminded me of such a story.
 |
| Not only did I spot a car...I also took a photo while driving! |
My brother is 6 years older than me, so about the time I hit 10 he was a new driver and this opened up a whole new freedom for him and for my parents. It also rocketed my cool level through the cosmos! Leading up to his sweet 16 he and my dad had been restoring a 1971 Fiat 124 Spider. Like the one in the 1983 music video of the band called Air Supply, which is probably why my brother wanted that car. He was a huge Air Supply fan! Sorry to rat you out bro!
The truth be told, I probably spent more time than he did behind the wheel of that amazing piece of French history. Seriously I spent hours pretending I was speeding through the streets of some tiny European community with the top down as the local police tried to catch me at every corner. One day I overheard my dad tell my brother that it was good to fire up the engine every few days to keep it lubed up. So I appointed myself as the pit chief and regularly, when no one was looking, revved up the horses!
 |
| My brother's car looked just like this, but was charcoal grey. |
So one day while performing a standard engine firing, I decided that maybe it would be a good idea to just take this baby for a spin. ”Only around the block!!” I said. My parents were taking a Sunday afternoon nap and they would never even know about this. I had learned to drive a stick shift in the parking lot of our church. On Sunday nights as soon as service was over me and my best bud Marcus Hale would grab our dad’s keys and drive circles around the church with the windows down and the music blaring! He in his dad’s Oldsmobile and me in my dad’s Mazda.
So just one block would be nothing compared to the miles I’d driven in the church parking lot. Of course one block didn’t satisfy my thirst for speed! So after speeding through the deserted streets of the industrial park under what locals called the viaduct (Fancy name for large bridge). I downshifted into 3rd and decided to take the long way home. This was the best place to lose these pesky police that were chasing me in my make believe world. Cruising at a nice speed of around 45 I topped a little hill and saw a kid on roller skates in the middle of the road just a couple blocks away. 2 things are important to note: 1. I knew this kid and we didn’t have the best relationship 2. It was apparent that he wasn’t a very good roller skater. So here is this kid (whom I don’t like) wobbling on roller skates in the middle of the road, I couldn’t resist, I downshifted and popped the clutch as I hit the gas pedal! The engined roared and the tires squealed and while in my mind I was a safe distance from this kid, it terrified him and he dove head first into the ditch. I then drove by and honked my horn and knew that he could hear me laughing! I was invincible!
I returned the spy car to the carport and slipped inside as if nothing ever happened. I was feeling much like James Bond must feel after returning from a secret mission, relaxing in the parlor rehearsing the excitement of that adventure. (we didn't really have a parlor..it was just the living room) Suddenly there was a knock at the front door. Yes it was odd for someone to be knocking at the door but I never could have imagined who would be standing there. I opened the door to find one of El Dorado’s finest there to greet me. A really large, really scary POLICE OFFICER! I’m sure I turned white as a sheet at this point! The officer asked who owned the gray sports car with the black rag top. I told him it was my fathers but my dad was taking a nap. “Son you better go wake him up!” That’s when it started sinking in that this was the day I would die!
My mind was racing trying to come up with a good story that would get me out of the trouble that was at the door....a way to escape death. Should I run out the back door and embrace the life of a criminal on the run? I can’t blame my brother or blackmail him into taking a hit for me because he wasn’t even in town! I imagined being handcuffed and carried away like some thug. This sounded like one of the better options, compared to the spanking I would definitely be getting from my dad and the beating my brother would bestow upon me for “stealing” his car!
I woke my dad by announcing that a police officer was at the front door and wanted to speak to him. “About what?” he asked. “I dunno??” I said thru my nervous lying lips. As my dad greeted the officer at the front door I nervously played with my Hot Wheels in the living room. I was both listening and racking my brain for a good cover up. The officer explained to my dad that someone ran down a young boy on roller skates and he barely escaped being crushed because he dove into the ditch. I thought, “what a liar!! I was no where near that little punk!” The officer continued to say that the description of the vehicle matched our gray Fiat. My dad said, “That’s not possible because I have been taking a nap and my son who drives that car is out of town.” He meant “my son who legally drives that car..” The officer said well the kid that was run down said there was a kid about his age driving. “That little Rat!” I thought.
I will never forget my dad’s face turning towards me and his eyes piercing my guilty conscience. “Shane??” is all he said. Now this was the usual protocol whenever my dad was upset with me or trying to get me to stop doing something annoying, he would call my name out in a stern voice and I would always in a polite, not paying attention voice respond, “Yes sir?” And he would respond, “don’t ‘YES SIR’ me!” However this was way out of protocol. On this occasion when he sternly called my name, “SHANE??”. I broke into tears, apologizing and sobbing and apologizing and begging for my life!
I spilled the whole story out to my dad and the officer thinking all the while I will forever be restricted to public transportation and bicycles. The officer then gave me this very scary speech about how I could have died and the kid could have died and innocent puppies could have died and then he confirmed my fears as he explained that this sort of criminal offense could cost me a huge delay in getting my drivers license.
And then he asked me, “Young man....will you promise me that you will never again drive a motor vehicle until your are properly and legally licensed to operate such a vehicle?”
“YES SIR!” I said
And with that he told my dad and I to have a good day! I was in shock! Could this really be true that I had a run in with the law and by some miracle of God I was pardoned? I was on the brink of life in prison and just like that....mercy was given to me! And just as I began to breath a sign of relief, my dad sternly said, “you better count yourself lucky that he gave you a break.....but that doesn’t mean I’m giving you a break....I’ll be back with my belt!”
My dad kept this belt in the top drawer of his chester drawers. I never have asked him, but I’m pretty sure he went shopping for this belt specifically to spank us kids. I mean it was hideously ugly and definitely not my dad’s style. About a 4 inch wide strap of leather with 1 inch strips that criss crossed making nice little “x’s” that tattooed wonderfully on your back side as a souvenir and token parting gift. All tastefully rounded out with a giant silver and gold, bull riding championship looking buckle.
I wish I could end this story on a more chipper note but like a lot of my stories this one resulted in a spanking. This could be why my brother and sister nick named me “hot hiney”
I went on to have many other vehicle stories, some of which I may write about and others that I can’t share yet because of fear of that big ole piece of leather in my dad’s top drawer!
Note: my brother wasn’t really a huge Air Supply fan....not that there is anything wrong with that!
